Tag Archives: children

Why I refuse to bless children at Communion

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I’ve been thinking more and more about my concerns around giving special blessings to children at Mass. There are a number of people here who are continuing to express concern because of my stance on not blessing children in the communion line. To be clear, this is a position taken not out of spite, but out of a respect for the liturgy and for the documents of the Second Vatican Council. In paragraph 22, Sacrosanctum Concilium states, “Therefore no other person, even if he be a priest, may add, remove, or change anything in the liturgy on his own authority.” A priest does not have the authority to add a blessing to the liturgy for anyone, because a priest does not have the authority to add anything to the liturgy. It doesn’t matter if other priests go beyond their authority and do it in disobedience. In my mind, it is inappropriate, and I will not. Period.

Of course, people don’t like to hear that. They think it makes the kids feel “special” that they receive this blessing. (As an aside, I think the parents and grandparents get the warm-fuzzies more than the kids do.) Of course, they can’t be blamed. For 30+ years, they’ve been fed a mindset that the liturgy is malleable to whatever we want to do with it. Blessing for kids? Sure, we can add that right during Communion. Having kids come up for the homily and sit with the priest on the sanctuary steps? Sure, we can do that. Holding hands during the Our Father and running around the nave greeting people during the Sign of Peace? Absolutely! Whatever makes you feel good!

As I’ve studied more about the theology of the liturgy, I’ve come to the realization that this “feel good” approach is sending the wrong message about the liturgy. I’ve also become concerned that this has dangerously damaged their relationship with God, and they are blissfully unaware that any damage has been done. Instead of liturgy being the community focusing their minds and hearts on worship of God, it has become a social activity, focusing on ourselves. Now, we don’t come to liturgy to turn to God, but to ourselves. For this reason alone, I despise blessing children in the Communion line (and yes, I chose that strong language very carefully), and encourage other priests to stop immediately.

There’s another reason, more cultural, that should be of concern to these same parents and grandparents: the culture of entitlement. One of the arguments frequently given in defense of blessing children is, “They feel like they get something.” Yes, because we wouldn’t want our children to learn how to do something without getting something in return.

We live in a culture of entitlement, where a large percentage of the population expects to get something for nothing. There is a large population in the United States and other countries who believe that they are entitled to anything and everything their hearts desire without any commitment or work on their part. They should “get something” for just being there. Is that the message we want to give our children in the Church? I don’t, and firmly hope that parents and grandparents don’t want to send that message either. Unfortunately, this mindset that children need to “get something” at Communion time only enforces this idea.

Now, will stopping the blessings of children at Communion cure that? No, not on its own, but it’s a first step. It’s an opportunity for parents to teach children that there are some things you just have to wait for. Some things are so important that you have to get ready for them. Some things you may even have to work for. Receiving Holy Communion is one of those things. You have to wait until you’re old enough. You have to prepare to receive. It’s not something that is just given to you. One day you will be able to receive, and I hope that will be a joyful day, but you’ll need to wait until then.

Parents and grandparents, I beg you: work with me on this! Please don’t continue to argue about it. My decision is made, the issue is done. This is truly done in the best interest of your children and grandchildren, as well as for you. Use this opportunity to help the children to see how special and important receiving Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament truly is. Help them to see that the liturgy is about worship of God, and not us getting something and feeling good. Then, when they can come forward to receive Holy Communion for the first time, they will truly understand what it means to be special enough to receive Our Lord.

Following the Example of the Apostles and Evangelists

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A few weeks ago, I posted an open question on the failure of catechesis to attract and hold our children and young adults. It received some wonderful comments, and I thank those who commented here on the blog, on Facebook, Google+, and other social networks.

As I have reflected more on this question and on the responses received, I think we missed the mark. The major focus of the comments was “get the parents involved.” Yes, if the parents are involved, the kids are involved, but I think the problem goes far deeper. As I look at our culture here in the United States (I can’t speak for other countries as I’ve never spent any significant time there), we’ve obviously moved into a post-Christian society. The United States was founded on Christian principles and had a strong Christian identity, but much of that is sloughing off. The Christian virtues are no longer being held up as ideals, except where they agree with the relativist and individualist “virtues” being promoted today.

This leads to a major problem for catechesis: we’re making assumptions that aren’t there. We’re assuming the parents are Catholic just because they were baptized Catholic, raised Catholic, possibly even married in the Catholic Church. We’re assuming that the kids are being brought up in a Catholic home where the faith is at least present in a rudimentary form. We’re assuming that the culture we live in is steeped in Christian virtue, even if it seems to have gone astray, and will provide some form of Christian foundation for the children. In short, we’re assuming that the children and their parents have been evangelized.

(Sidebar: I’m not going to get into the canonical status of Catholics, whether or not they’re members of the Church. This is more about if Christ is a part of their lives. For many Catholics who received the Sacraments of Baptism and Confirmation, the answer is a resounding “no”.)

As I’ve been reflecting on the religious education issue, I keep coming back to this conclusion. The children are not learning the Catholic faith and the parents aren’t involved because they do not view the faith as something relevant to them. They do not understand the importance of the salvific work of Christ, and do not realize that the teachings of the Church are literally a matter of life and death eternally. They may have heard the saving Good News preached by Christ and passed down through 2000 years of Church teaching, but it’s no more important to them than hearing about the plot line of Harry Potter novels.

The problem, as I see it, is that we are teaching what the Church teaches, but we are not showing them those teachings alive in our lives. We are not expressing through words and actions the beauty of Our Lord’s message of love. We are not using catechesis to draw the children into a relationship with Jesus, but rather talking about Him. We’re missing the mark and talking over their heads instead of reaching into their hearts.

Now, I want to be clear: this is not an either/or situation. We need to be evangelizing and teaching, both at the same time. We need to teach about Jesus as we’re developing a relationship with Him. I’ve seen RCIA programs that get this wrong as well. They focus solely on the spiritual aspect – prayer, devotions, communal gatherings, etc. – without developing the intellectual appreciation for the Gospel. We need to reach both the head and the heart. The problem with catechesis, as I’ve seen it in many places, is that it stays in the head without also moving the heart.

So, how do we do this? Perhaps on this feast of St. Luke the Evangelist, we would be well served to reflect on how the early Church evangelized at a time when the name Jesus was completely unknown. On an individual basis, they began with prayer and fasting. The Eucharist was the center of their lives. Then, after being fortified by prayer and fasting, they went out and proclaimed the salvation promised by Christ. As an example, look at St. Paul preaching to the Athenians in front of the altar “To an Unknown God” (Acts 17:16-34 – Written by St. Luke, of course!).

In many ways, our culture today is similar to the Greek culture of St. Paul’s time. We have many gods and many altars, though not as obvious as the Greek pantheon of gods. Our gods are TV, money, power, possessions, sports, work, and far more. The God of all creation, our Heavenly Father, and His Son Our Lord Jesus Christ are as unknown as They were to the Athenians. Just as St. Paul and all the Apostles went around proclaiming the Good News of salvation, we are also called to bring others to Christ, even those who may attend Mass and religious education.

To sum this post up: what’s wrong with religious education? We are if we’re not actively evangelizing our children and their parents!